Dissapointment to Vindication

So, I thought I was being obsessive about this whole blogging thing and in some aspects I guess I still am a bit, in terms of not simply deciding on  a platform of choice to express my thoughts.  Yahoo360, Vox, Facebook, Wordpress, MSN Spaces, so many choices that have their benefits and downfalls.  But this is not so much about the tool, but the process of expressing one's inner most thoughts about whatever intrigues.

There is one thing that both issues have in common and that is the method in which we make our choices.  Choices in both tool and community.  I have grown rather disappointed in certain communities and I know that might be a bit selfish to say, however everyone out here has their own reasons for being here.  Some selfish, some down-right disgraceful.  For the most part however, the on-line space is a wilderness of people searching for themselves in ways that they can not explore in the real world.  Needless to say, there are some true characters out there.  

It is often said that friends come and go but true friends will always be there no matter what the duration of separation.  Not only does the art of Social networking bring people together in new and interesting ways, but it also presents the opportunity to walk away.  Fragmented relationships is how it could be termed.  Most sites have the concept of Friends, but what are friends truly?  Would real-world friends up and walk away for no reason or without any explanation?  Is that the appeal?  The ability to sever all ties and return to the existence that sent you out here to begin with?  

They have all been branded under the name "social networking" but how much is actually social?  What social benefits are there to some of these sites?  I still struggle to find meaning in it all.  There are some who have found that meaning although I would venture to say that this is the limited audience of individuals with no real hidden agenda.  Fate has somehow thrust upon them the missing links in their lives.  Almost like a crap game.  I have met individuals who have met their soul mates in cyber space.  Despite all odds and distance, they managed to find each other express their inner most hopes, dreams and desires and managed to join in more than some electronic exchange of passion or ramblings, they found love.  

In some ways this is the true meaning of the social connection.  Others are as valid in their claims of brining people together to either "connect" or "re-connect."  I for one have benefited from this.  People I knew across the journey of my life and drifted down their own paths have managed to re-surface back into my life.  Some as casual acquaintances again, others long lost friends who are true "friends" in every sense of the word.  Family, co-workers and classmates.  These are the real value of social networking in my opinion.  

In this day and age, we have all grown rather skeptical of many things in this cynical world.  We all somehow hearken back to a day when life was much simpler, friends were real, could be depended on and would not cut and run at the first site of drama, regardless of the source.  Friends were people who you could talk openly with regardless of topic.  The fear of being isolated were never an issue.  Hours spent on the phone, to this day I still don't know what was worth spending that time talking about.  There was happiness, the excitement of the next day and getting together do execute some unknown agenda.  What happened to these times?

As we get older, we tend to fall back into a cocoon of existence without realizing it.  We become jaded, guarded and suspect of everything around us that we don't control.  Long gone are the carefree days of our youth.  They say we are all searching for happiness, but are we?  Or are we looking for a comfortable existence accepting the events and people in our lives as they are, while keeping them at arms length?

So here I am struggling with these thoughts as I continue to figure out what it is that I want out of the whole on-line experience.  I have realized on thing, re-connecting with long lost friends will always keep me out here.  But there is still some other reason that draws me here.  I think I may have a grip on what that may be and it brings me back to my original reason for jumping into the fray.  It has to do with understanding who I am as a person.  During my time away back in the "real world," the daily grind and pressures slowly began to build again.  Not on my physical existence or even emotional one, but more, a mental one.

It is a fact that in our generation the amount of information from external sources is down right overwhelming.  The pace at which information is presented to us all is never ending.  I realize that this builds up.  So much so that if you do nothing with it, other areas of your life begin to suffer.  Getting it all out, releasing it, expressing your thoughts about it all helps.  Whether anyone out in the "social blog-o-sphere" consumes it or not is quite irrelevant.  It is nice to get the occasional comment or feedback regarding your thoughts, but in the end, I now know that I have to do this for me and not because I want to entertain or expose others to my random thoughts.  True friends I am sure are out there, but they are finite in nature.  The skepticism will not go away any time soon.  This should not deter me from continuing my search to understand my own being.  

Therefore, I will begin writing again.  My methods will remain the same as they always have, but I now understand that this is all for me.  Time to be selfish again.  If I entertain, offend or am able to extract some reflective thought in others fine, but understand, this is not my goal.  You want to read, fine.  I don't' expect anyone to agree or even like what I have to say, but this is my life, the only shot I get. I will evaluate the "friends" who, like characters in my own personal play of life, enter stage left and exit stage right.  For me it is the story-line itself that I intend on acting out.